Do you ever...

...read your old tweets and just laugh at how funny you were? No?
Mandy, President Obama just called, and he wants his narcissm back. Not appropriate? Sorry!

Anyways, I read some old tweets tonight, just for fun. January was a dark time, on the twitter timeline.
I had some rage days, and tweeted some things that were definitely lacking in love. For anyone I hurt with those, I'm sorry.

On December 27th, I tweeted "time to walk away."

My family Christmas party was that day, and I had been reading old emails and doing some self-reflecting. I realized a couple of things:
1. My "perfect" relationship was so far from perfect. There were issues.
2. Things were different, and not in a good way.
3. I knew that things needed to end or change.
4. Number three was too scary, and I needed to put a mask on to salvage my relationship. I didn't want to be alone. Alone is scary.


I think there were several points in my relationship, that I knew that it should have ended, that this was not okay, or maybe there was a different plan God had for both of us. I am stubborn though, (shocked? don't be) and was determined to make things work. Determined for the wrong reasons? Maybe. Maybe not. Determined because you believe in commitment is a good quality to have, but if you're committed for the wrong reasons, then it's no good.

At any rate though, it happened the way it did. When I prayed so desperately for hearts to change, they didn't change in the way I expected. That's okay though, because when you pray for something you have to be prepared that the outcome might not be what you expect.

The raw pain always subsides, if that's one thing I've learned from navigating other relationships. Has this one been the worst? Yes and no. It's been different because of the length, promises, and expectations. But mistakes made in other relationships were thankfully avoided in this one. There is always something to be thankful for, and God is always good. Always!

I can look back and wish that I had been the one to cut the cord, and salvage some pride, but what is pride really? One of the best movies of all times is Meet the Robinson's, and the tagline of that movie is "Keep moving forward!" And that's what I'm going to do.